7th May- Sacramento, United States
Maria’s house
Maria’s POV
“Letty.” I whispered again as I took a cautious step towards her. She was all I could look at, everything around us just melted away and I couldn’t breathe.
“Mama.” She whispered back as she tried to hold back her tears.
“My baby. I thought you were dead. I buried you.” I cried as I flung myself at her, pulling her into a hug as we cried.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for not coming sooner. I was too afraid.” She sobbed.
“I don’t understand. How are you here?” I cried as I pulled back finally looking her over. My eyes grew wide when I noticed a child in her arms and her rounded stomach. Letty met my eyes timidly and gave me a soft smile.
“Mama meet Ava, your granddaughter.”
“Granddaughter? And you’re…” I trailed off again as I let my gaze linger on her stomach.
“Expecting another yes.” She spoke slowly, guarded as she watched my reaction.
“Ava…” I whispered as I looked at the little girl in her arms. She reminded me of a much younger Letty. I had a granddaughter.
“I should have called I’m sorry.” She spoke taking a step back.
“No, no it’s okay. I’m just…. I’m shocked. I don’t understand.”
“If you let me in I can explain it all too you.” She whispered gently and I finally snapped out of my trance.
“I’m sorry, come in. I’m just in shock. I… Oh Letty how I’ve missed you.” I cried as I pulled her to me again, leading her into the house as I shut the door behind us.
“I’ve missed you too mama.”
7th May- Los Angeles, United States
O’Conner House
Dom’s POV
I didn’t go inside to eat with the others when Mia came in and got us for dinner, I stayed holed up in the garage where I could be alone and just think.
I hadn’t received a message from Letty saying she had arrived and I was beginning to worry but I stopped myself from calling her. I couldn’t talk myself out of sending a message though.
Are you okay? Did you make it okay?
It felt like hours before my phone finally lit up with a reply but judging by the time stamp it had only been five minutes.
We’re here. I’m sorry I didn’t call. Mum and I have been talking. I’m okay.
I relaxed a little knowing she was okay but I still felt tense. My thoughts were too jumbled and I was an emotional mess.
Can I still ring you tonight?
“You hear from Letty?” A quiet voice startled me. I turned to see who it was as Leon came through the door.
“Yeah, she got there fine. She’s been talking with Maria. She’s probably plotting to kill me.” I muttered.
“I have no doubt.” Leon winced as he pulled up a seat next to me.
“You know the whole reason I’m in here is to be alone.” I muttered.
“We know.”
“Then what are you doing here?” I asked annoyed.
“Just making sure you’re okay.”
“I haven’t burnt down or destroyed the shed yet so I’m fine.” I snapped.
“Okay.”
I reached for my phone as it chimed, reading the message quickly.
Yes.
That was it. A worded message. I sighed as I pushed my phone away and ran my hands over my face.
“Everything okay?”
“Fantastic. I’m going for a drive, I’ll be home later.” I said as I got up, scraping my chair across the ground. I pocketed my phone before I turned to look at Leon. His face held unease and I sighed heavily.
“I’m going to Rosie’s office. She does night group sessions, she’s made it clear I could benefit from going once or twice.” I offered in explanation.
“Okay.” He said simply.
“Would you like to come with me?” I offered. He said nothing tossing it up in his mind for a second before shaking his head.
“No, you go. Maybe I’ll join you for the next one. God knows I’ve seen some pretty fucked up shit too.” He smiled lightly and I nodded.
“Tell Mia where I am so she doesn’t worry. I’ll be home around eight.” I explained before I left, heading out to my car.
The drive to Rosie’s office was too quick and before I knew it I had parked the car and was already on my way up into her office.
The receptionist greeted me with a kind smile and nodded through the open door.
“Everyone’s just about to start so you’ve made it just in time.” I gave her a small smile before I entered the room. Sure enough it was full of ten or so people, some sitting some standing as they passed the time talking to one another.
“Dom. I’m so glad you’ve taken my advice and come to one of my group sessions.” I smiled slightly at Rosie, my nerves flaring as I took in all the different faces.
“Relax. The first session can be daunting but we don’t push people to participate until their ready. If all you feel comfortable with is listening then that’s okay with us. We don’t judge here.” I gave a small smile as she patted me on the shoulder and moved along. Her words were comforting.
I moved to an empty seat on the corner of the semi-circle, away from everyone for the time being. The group mainly consisted of men but there were one or two women as well.
“A warm welcome to you all again and to our new members. Let’s get started shall we?”
“My names Travis and I’m thirty six years old.”
“Hi Travis.” The group chorused and I sat back and listened once again. So far three other people had spoken and I was entranced by their stories.
“I was sentenced to jail at twenty one for aiding in armed robbery. I did three years in Lompoc. They were the worst three years of my life. You see some real messed up shit in prison. I saw guards beat a man to death because he tried to escape, inmates attack a new prisoner because he looked at them for just a second too long. You always had to watch your back in there. I got beaten up more times than I can count, jumped in the exercise yard and stabbed. No one was a friend.” I watched as everyone in the circle nodded in understanding. Giving small words of comfort here and there but there was no judgement, only acceptance.
“Thank you Travis. Dom would you like to share anything tonight?” Rosie asked me softly. I opened my mouth to decline but thought better of it. This was a chance for me to start talking about my own jail experiences, and what happened with Linder, something I couldn’t yet do with anyone else. Rosie gave me a supporting smile as I nodded and opened my mouth to talk.
“My names Dom, I was nineteen when I got sent to prison for attempted murder. My father was a racer at the tracks, it was the championship race and he was in front. Another car came up behind him, he clipped his bumper, sent it spinning into the wall. The car burst into flames almost instantly. They say he died before it went up.”
“What happened to the guy? Was he punished?” A woman to my right asked, Mary I think her name was.
“No, not by the track or the police anyway. It was a couple of days after his funeral and I had decided I needed to get back to work. We owned a garage, I was a mechanic. The guy, his name was Linder came into the shop to apologise. I took one look at him and just lost it. I remember throwing the first punch but I don’t remember picking up the wrench. My friends pulled me off but by then it was already too late. He was badly injured. I spent two years in Lompoc because I pleaded guilty and the DA cut me a deal.”
“Travis is right, you see a lot of messed up shit in there. I saw a female guard raped just a cell over from me. My cell mate was a rapist, I was jumped and attacked a few times. Jail changes people. Not for the better.” I explained as I trailed off, feeling a little lighter that I had finally gotten some of that off my chest. How long had I been carrying that around for.
“What did your mother think?” Travis asked.
“She died when I was young. I was the sole guardian of my sister back then, I had to leave her in the care of my girlfriends mum. She’d been like my own mother growing up.”
“What did they think of you?”
“They were devastated and disappointed, maybe even a little angry. I don’t know. I don’t think I ever asked them about it.” I frowned as I thought about it.
“How did you feel about it?” Rosie asked gently and I thought about it.
“I was angry, at myself for stuffing up. I hated the fact that I would be leaving my sister when she’d just lost her father. I pushed them all away when I realised just what jail was like. I didn’t want them to see me.”
“What did they want?” I hesitated as I thought about the fights with Letty and Maria. The way Mia had begged to see me, even just once, when I phoned each week, in each letter she sent back.
“They didn’t like it.”
“Do you still think you were trying to protect them by keeping them away? Or do you think it was something else?” I bit my lip and thought about it. At the time I thought I had been doing it to keep them safe, to keep them from seeing the things I had to but was that the whole reason? No. I had been selfish and kept them away because I didn’t want to see them.
“Dom?” Rosie gently prodded.
“At the time I thought I was doing what was right by them but…” I paused and looked at her fully, she gently smiled and nodded for me to continue.
“But I guess looking back I realise I also had my own reasons for keeping them away.”
“Which was?”
“I didn’t want to see them. I wanted them to hate me, like I hated myself. I couldn’t deal with their pain far away as well as my own. I was selfish.” I admitted.
“And did they? Hate you I mean.” Reese asked.
“No.” I whispered.
“Have you ever apologised for what you did? Told them truthfully why?” Mary asked again.
“I don’t think so.” I muttered confused.
“It’s okay man, I’ve been there, done that. As long as you can admit you were in the wrong and they accept that you can put it behind you and work on moving forward.” Travis spoke up with a comforting smile and a nod. I sent a shaky one back as I glanced at Rosie who was nodding proudly. I gave her a small smile before I leant back into my seat.
“Well done Dom, you did really well tonight. It may not feel like it just yet but you took a huge step forward tonight. If you’d like to come back again we have another group session Thursday night. You might benefit from it again.”
“Thanks Rosie, I’ll be here.” I nodded determinedly.
“That’s great.”
“I was thinking about what I said tonight and I was wondering what you thought of me telling Letty about it, or is that something I should wait to do until she’s back?” I asked nervously. She thought about it for a minute before replying.
“As you know Letty has her own sessions she’ll be going to and a group session or two. She needs to concentrate on herself and I know how much you want to tell her about this but I need you to wait. You can tell her you’re in group therapy and you’re learning a lot but for now I’m going to set you an assignment.” I nodded confused.
“Okay, what’s the assignment?”
“After each session, or at any time you work through a particular memory and you realise you could have handled it differently or should have admitted you were wrong I want you to write a letter to that person, you don’t need to send it but you can if you want to, just not to Letty just yet. I want you to write everything you’re feeling down in that letter.” I nodded once more as I thought about the one I needed to write tonight.
“If I send them, do you want to see them first?”
“I don’t have to read them if you don’t want me to but I will need to see you writing something so I can be satisfied you’re doing it yes.”
“Okay I can do that. I’ll start tonight.” I spoke honestly and she smiled happily.
“Great, bring in tomorrow, even if it’s not finished and we can go through some more.”
“Thank you Rosie.” I spoke honestly and she nodded with a friendly smile as I turned to leave. I had homework to start.